Defining the Win
Negative coaching in some athletic circles has become an endemic issue affecting young athletes. One of the saddest things I hear from parents and athletes these days is that a young athlete has lost all interest and love for a sport because their coach is a bully.
Coaches are incredibly influential voices in a young persons life, and too often it seems that power gets abused with the expectation that more intensity will elicit positive outcomes. Ironically, the opposite is more often true.
In a competitive environment, too much emphasis can be placed on the literal score at the end of a game, on the literal win or loss. This is especially prevalent at the professional and collegiate level where it is the coach’s job to win. This can sometimes result in confusing, bullying behavior, that is then modeled by coaches at lower levels.
The Biggest Winner I Know Has Terrible Ethics
My own college coach for example, who Anchorage revered for his amazing winning record (it was the highest for any coach at the Division II level at the time), was actively cheating and emotionally manipulating his players.
This man, in a very impactful leadership position over young women, was such a master manipulator he was able to walk away from what should have been career ending violations. He certainly shouldn’t have been allowed to ever coach women again, but guess where his next job was? That’s right, coaching the Colorado State Women’s Basketball team.
Yet, at the time, no one believed what he did could be true, winning had covered up his despicable behavior and true character, and the University ended up sweeping the internal investigation into his case under the rug and let him resign.
Summiting Blindfolded
To make winning the primary focus is like hiking a beautiful mountain blindfolded and taking it off when we arrive at the top. To do this, is to miss everything there is to see, learn, and experience along the way.
On the journey, we are going to see some really cool stuff, but also struggle, stumble, and fail. What we learn from these experiences are the true wins.
In my younger years, I cut out magazine letters in ransom letter style to form the following quote by Confucius:
Adult me is slightly impressed that my teenage-brain had already recognized that failure was going to be an integral part of success, and now 15 years later that quote still acts as a mantra to keep going when the metaphorical climb is hard.
Ultimately, how we as coaches choose to use the power of our position, or as players you choose to respond to the way you are coached and how coachable you are, helps us define true winning.
True winning happens between the lines, and is not what shows up on the scoreboard. It comes in the priceless moments of seeing someone overcome a difficult moment or situation, in building lifelong relationships, in seeing someone inspire those around them, in preparing harder than your opponent, in having incredible energy even if you don’t get to play a minute, in inspiring your players to believe in themselves, and the list goes on.
Be a winner, not a bully.
P.S. if you truly are struggling with your coach, or a teammate, here are some tips on what you can do.
