The Intentional Decision to Change is the First Step

It wasn’t until age 19 that I realized in order to achieve something I really wanted, my habits were going to need a big overhaul. I wasn’t doing anything egregious like drugs behind the stairs at school or eating cake for breakfast, but I had just finished my first year of college and realized that how I was spending my time was not optimal for my success as a student-athlete.

In school for example, procrastinating studying and then compensating by staying up late cramming for next day exams was normalized, so I followed the crowd and struggled because by the time it came to taking the test my brain was cerebral moosh.

In athletics, it surprised me that my teammates would either come an hour early to practice or stay an hour late to get up extra shots, conditioning, or treatment for their injuries, which I thought strange as I had never seen that from my teammates during high school.

It struck me after that year of mediocrity, that maybe my habits and decision making had not been my own, but a product of not knowing a better way and a conditioning of my environment and lack of experiences.

I could no longer do the minimum and expect to excel.

Like a computer, I needed to restart my system and replace bad habits with better habits.

If that Sounds Familiar…

For many of us, getting the opportunity to be guided and shown the way to what it truly takes to be successful, is a rare luxury. Even more mystical is having that opportunity interwoven with how to become successful and retain your sanity.

However, eventually that day comes for all of us. The day when we realize we aren’t happy with where we’re at.

Once we wake up to the reality that we want more for ourselves, we can stop ignorantly denying that our present situation is not serving us and accept that it’s time to change our circumstances and conditioning.

This intentional decision to change is the first step.

Next, what and who can we identify as important and adding value to our lives. What and who is not? In truth, identifying these is exponentially easier than the necessity of phasing them out. Some things are truly addictive, ask anyone who has been a smoker or in a toxic relationship.

Okay, so now that we’ve identified and filtered out the unhelpful, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.

Why most people fail at long-term habit change, is that because it is a long, tedious process and you can’t approach it like a sprint, you must approach it like a marathon.

It does not happen in the instance you decide to make the change, it happens in the repetition of making that decision over and over again. Just like when you lift weights, in order for your muscles to get stronger you can’t just workout once, you have to sweat and feel the pain over the course of many workouts in order to feel and see change.

Stick with it friend, if it’s truly important to you, you’ll find a way to overcome the fleeting urges to go back to your old ways. Future you will be glad you did.

Simple Swaps

Not sure where to start? Here’s a few simple swaps that can help you get on track:

• Hit snooze vs. put your alarm on the other side of the room and get your butt out of bed

• Roll out of bed and leave it a mess vs. make your bed and high five your pillow for a job well done

• Take a comfy hot shower or don’t even bother to shower to start your day vs. take a shower and then end it with a minute under cool water focusing on breathing normally

• Not pack any snacks or lunch for the day and come home ravenous, eating all in site like the Kirby video game character vs. plan ahead and pack food because you’re not a cute pink cartoon, but a human who needs energy throughout the day

• Get minimal fresh air, as in going to and from your car and house vs. getting outside for a 10 - 20 minute walk and sunshine in your eyeballs

• Listen to background music as white noise vs. take a moment to actually listen to a full song and be present with the music

• Pop your phone open when bored or uncomfortable vs. really look at your surroundings or strike up a conversation with a person near you

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Leading from the Bench

In most cases, it’s easy to put all of our attention on the people in the spotlight. In athletics, this is typically the player who is scoring the most, the coach or team with the most wins, the 1 percenters.

Shining the spotlight only on these outliers can leave the rest of us feeling like catastrophic underachievers, when in reality that couldn’t be further from the truth. Should the outliers be celebrated for their uncommon excellence? Absolutely. Should we admire them and try to incorporate some of the methods that have made them successful? For sure. Should we compare and shame ourselves for not achieving the same level of excellence? Not if you want your sanity!

In basketball specifically, guess the number of collegiate coaches at the Men’s NCAA Division I level who have won 80% or more of their total games in their careers.

Answer? Two. Hit this link for the full list.

Or, guess the number of men’s collegiate players across all levels who average more than 20 points per game (in 2023)?

Answer? 105. Sounds like a lot… until you realize that’s out of a pool of 18,816 players… or, 0.005%.

The Wooden Way

John Wooden, one of those two coaches with the 80% + winning records, was well known for how he defined success. In his autobiography, Wooden, he talks about how he was just as proud, if not more, of the success of the teams that didn’t win national championships as those that did, because for him, winning games was not what it was about.

“True success is attained only through the satisfaction of knowing you did everything within the limits of your ability to become the very best that you are capable of being. Success is not perfection… you can never achieve perfection as I understand it. It’s giving 100% of your effort, body, mind, and soul to the struggle. That you can attain. That is success.”

— John Wooden

The important take away is that you’re not a failure if you don’t don’t arrive at the level of the 1 percenters. You can be an expert at something without being a superstar.

To become an expert, a person needs countless hours (10,000 and more they say) practicing, preparing, struggling, succeeding, obsessing, and repeating this process over and over again.

And you must love the work.

That type of relentless dedication certainly isn’t for everyone. It’s for the committed few who at whatever point in their life, found and fell in love with their passion. They knew that without it, their reason for existing felt a little less important. And they knew with it, that they would do whatever it took to be great at it.

The Devine Way

We most often celebrate the people who have made it already, not those who are currently in their struggle, working to overcome and make something of themselves.

As an athlete development coach, celebrating the struggle is one of my favorite things, second only to getting to be in the struggle with that individual.

It is uncommon to find a person who also thrives in the struggle, and rare to find someone who is so selfless that they are willing to do whatever it takes, from handing water to their teammates to working to be as uplifting as possible, without any expectation of anything in return.

Luke Devine cheering for his teammates at a home game in Anchorage, Alaska.

One individual in particular who all of us, from the starters to the bench warmers, from coaches to fans, can learn from, is Luke Devine. Born in Wasilla, Alaska to a family of athletic royalty, Luke is the third of his family to put on a Seawolf jersey for one of Alaska Anchorage’s basketball teams.

In fact, he is the fifth in his family to play a college sport. That is an incredible feat of its own given that only approximately 4% of high school athletes will go on to play at the collegiate level for the NCAA (for basketball specifically).

Having had the privilege to coach Luke’s older sister, Alysha Devine (now Anderson), who was an incredible competitor, selfless beyond belief, tough as nails, extremely coachable, and an amazing human being, her younger brother is a spitting image.

The Devine’s are a clan of classy winners, whose impeccable character is on generational display, even in the most unideal of situations such as playing limited minutes as a walk on.

Coming off of a year off from playing, Luke made the decision to walk on to UAA. A bold choice, given that, again, the chances of playing at the next level are so limited. With just being on the roster, Luke is already quite literally a 1 percenter, as only 1.0% of high school players will move on to play at the DII level in men’s basketball.

As many of us may know and have witnessed, it’s horribly easy for a young person to mope and be a lemon drop on the bench because they’re not playing.

That said, one of the most impressive qualities about Luke as a player is not his stat line, it’s the way he selflessly gives to others from the bench. The way he leads from the bench.

“I want to do what I can to help my team win, and if that just means cheering as loud as I can and giving my brothers advice from the bench, then that’s what it takes.”

— Luke Devine

If you are currently in the process of working your way to more playing time, consider the golden lessons Luke shares in the video below. Drop a comment or a question for Luke or Coach Alysa and we’ll get back to you!

And last, but not least, make sure you get out next season to watch Luke and the University of Alaska Anchorage Men’s Basketball team!

Defining the Win

Negative coaching in some athletic circles has become an endemic issue affecting young athletes. One of the saddest things I hear from parents and athletes these days is that a young athlete has lost all interest and love for a sport because their coach is a bully.

Coaches are incredibly influential voices in a young persons life, and too often it seems that power gets abused with the expectation that more intensity will elicit positive outcomes. Ironically, the opposite is more often true.

In a competitive environment, too much emphasis can be placed on the literal score at the end of a game, on the literal win or loss. This is especially prevalent at the professional and collegiate level where it is the coach’s job to win. This can sometimes result in confusing, bullying behavior, that is then modeled by coaches at lower levels.

The Biggest Winner I Know Has Terrible Ethics

My own college coach for example, who Anchorage revered for his amazing winning record (it was the highest for any coach at the Division II level at the time), was actively cheating and emotionally manipulating his players.

This man, in a very impactful leadership position over young women, was such a master manipulator he was able to walk away from what should have been career ending violations. He certainly shouldn’t have been allowed to ever coach women again, but guess where his next job was? That’s right, coaching the Colorado State Women’s Basketball team.

Yet, at the time, no one believed what he did could be true, winning had covered up his despicable behavior and true character, and the University ended up sweeping the internal investigation into his case under the rug and let him resign.

Summiting Blindfolded

To make winning the primary focus is like hiking a beautiful mountain blindfolded and taking it off when we arrive at the top. To do this, is to miss everything there is to see, learn, and experience along the way.

On the journey, we are going to see some really cool stuff, but also struggle, stumble, and fail. What we learn from these experiences are the true wins.

In my younger years, I cut out magazine letters in ransom letter style to form the following quote by Confucius:

Adult me is slightly impressed that my teenage-brain had already recognized that failure was going to be an integral part of success, and now 15 years later that quote still acts as a mantra to keep going when the metaphorical climb is hard.

Ultimately, how we as coaches choose to use the power of our position, or as players you choose to respond to the way you are coached and how coachable you are, helps us define true winning.

True winning happens between the lines, and is not what shows up on the scoreboard. It comes in the priceless moments of seeing someone overcome a difficult moment or situation, in building lifelong relationships, in seeing someone inspire those around them, in preparing harder than your opponent, in having incredible energy even if you don’t get to play a minute, in inspiring your players to believe in themselves, and the list goes on.

Be a winner, not a bully.

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P.S. if you truly are struggling with your coach, or a teammate, here are some tips on what you can do.

So… You Don’t Like Your Coach or a Teammate

Learning to deal with difficult people is a right of passage in life, and whether we like it or not, we will encounter many different people who challenge us in this way our entire lives.

Sports provide a unique opportunity to learn how to deal with this at a young age. In this article, we’ll break down several methods to help you reclaim your power when having to deal with a difficult coach or teammate.

Without question, one of the most egregious human atrocities in our recent history was the Holocaust. Survivor Dr. Edith Eger, who also has recently authored the phenomenal book The Gift: 14 Lessons to Save Your Life, is one of the most profound works you can read.

It is akin to the popular Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, who was also a Holocaust survivor. Both Eger and Frankl survived a hell none of us can possibly imagine, but on top of that, both have expertise in psychology, making their writings some of the most valuable tools we can use to handle our modern problems.

I mention the Holocaust not to contrast against and thereby minimize our own problems, but to present three questions as they relate to a common mistake many of us make:

1. What is the severity of this issue really?

2. Am I making this particular situation worse by the way I am choosing to respond to it?

3. Is there a better way I can respond and handle myself, which ultimately is all I can control?

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It’s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens that hurts us.

Our character, our basic identity, does actually not have to hurt at all.

In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop the internal powers, the freedom to handle difficult circumstances in the future and to inspire others to do so as well.

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With over 24 years experience in athletics as a player and now development coach, here are a few strategies I recommend for dealing with difficult coaches or teammates:

#1: Avoid a rigid perspective

It’s way too easy to get caught in thinking something either good or bad, when in reality, there is no such thing as good or bad, only how we choose to view and respond to any given situation.

So you feel like your coach plays favorites, and you’re not one of them. Or the way they speak to you is demeaning, constantly negative, or they don’t play you as much as you think they should; the important question to ask yourself is not “why me?”, but “how can I best respond and handle this?”

“Suffering is universal. But victimhood is optional.”

— Dr. Edith Eger, Holocaust survivor & author of the gift

Try one or all of these:

1. Have the courage to establish more frequent and better communication with your coach. Typically in any relationship, when both people can gain a better understanding of one another, things tend to work out more positively. If you have a burning question for your coach (what can I do to earn more playing time?), or concern (I don’t like the way you talk to me sometimes), then go talk to them about it! And if you’re sitting over here feeling like they should reach out to you because they’re the adult and authority in this situation, think again, few coaches will do that, especially at higher levels.

2. The head coach too intimidating? Reach out to an assistant coach or teammate you trust. Someone else intimately involved in the ongoings of your team is a much better resource than consulting with a parent or friend outside of the team because they will always have a biased opinion towards you. Also, be mindful to only speak positively about others! Use these conversations more like an informal interview to get the other person’s take on how they would recommend the best way to deal with this particular difficult person.

3. Therapy! I’m not joking. Emotions are challenging, and learning how to cope with them in a healthy way is an extremely powerful tool! It’s unfortunate that our society views therapy as taboo, we can all benefit from it, even if we think our mental health is on point.

#2: Be Very Careful with Who You Choose to Listen To

Not everyone has good advice, especially if they have no experience in your situation. For example, if you are wanting financial advice, you wouldn’t ask someone who is broke and living in their car. The same goes for sports. If you are wanting advice on how to best get through a certain situation, you wouldn’t ask someone who has never played or coached the game.

This is a mistake I see a lot of players making!

Even when players ask me for help, I still encourage them to specifically address issues with someone directly involved on their team.

As we subscribe to human nature, it’s much easier to go to people who we know are going to tell us what we want to hear, and comfort us through our difficult experience while we vent and rage about someone not in the room.

The more difficult and courageous act is to go directly to the person you want to vent and rage about, and confront them directly in a positive and productive way.

#3: Don’t Blame, Including Yourself

Eventually, if a person endures enough negativity from another, a self-destructive unraveling of confidence can ensue. We want to avoid this at all costs! Not only are we allowing another person to vampire suck our own power away from us, but we kill our chances of rising out of this situation more quickly.

Whatever is happening, try to take yourself out of being the focal point or victim. Do your best to view things from as unemotional perspective as possible and reframe the situation to something that is happening for you not to you. Under this perspective, the situation is now a gift and opportunity to help you grow, rather than something you need to beat yourself up about.

Likewise, don’t blame anyone else for your situation, including that difficult coach or teammate you see as being the cause! Instead, work on taking ownership for the way you chose to respond.

Remember, This person is Happening For You

Reclaiming your control in a situation is the byproduct of recognizing how you are letting someone affect you, and what steps you can take to courageously reclaim your power.

Take ownership for your thoughts, behavior, and actions, and I bet you will see a tremendous difference in your interactions with the person you originally deemed as difficult. Shoot, you may even become friends!

Books for the Athlete Mindset

Athletics provides such an incredibly unique classroom to work on life skills like self-confidence, ability to communicate well, ability to cultivate healthy relationships, being a team player, how to maintain composure under pressure, how to overcome adversity, how to exercise daily discipline, and so much more.

The following books are an athlete’s secret weapon to unlocking greatness within themselves! Coaches, parents, and people of all walks of life can, of course, also benefit.

The power of the mind is not to be underestimated, invest in yours, and you will greatly reap the rewards both in your sport and life.

1. Mind Gym: An athlete's guide to inner excellence by Gary Mack​

This book was my bible as a collegiate and professional basketball player. Written by sports psychologist, Gary Mack, who interviews multiple athletes and eloquently uses their stories and his extensive knowledge to help the reader develop strategies to overcome mental barriers that hold them back in their sport. This is not only a read for the athlete, but coaches and parents as would benefit as well!

"The desire to succeed needs to be stronger than the fear of failure."

2. Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
This biography written about former Olympic track athlete Louis Zamperini, is one of the most incredible stories on human resilience and toughness. A troubled child, Louis' brother helps him get his life on track by channeling his extra energy into running.

He qualifies to compete in the Olympics, and then World War II breaks out and he is enlisted in the military as part of a B27 bomber flight crew. His plane goes down, and he survives not only floating on a raft in the Pacific for well over a month, but the cruelty of a Japanese war camp as well.

​“I think the hardest thing in life is to forgive. Hate is self destructive. If you hate somebody, you're not hurting the person you hate, you're hurting yourself. It's a healing, actually, it's a real healing...forgiveness.”

3. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

This is an absolute timeless classic that, the more I read, I realize many “self-help” books have been based off. Skip the copy cats and go straight to the source of genius by picking up this book.

Topping the charts as a #1 National Bestseller, it has sold 25 million copies since it’s publication in 1988. Covey passed away in 2012, but his works continue to give a principle-centered approach for solving personal and professional problems.

"Our problems and pain are universal and increasing, and the solutions to the problems are and always will be based upon universal, timeless, self-evident principles common to every enduring, prospering society throughout history."

4. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, author, and Holocaust survivor. This book recounts his experiences from his time in a concentration camp in quite possibly the most logical first person narrative ever written on unimaginable suffering. It is humbling, perspective-changing, inspiring, and all together a must read, particularly if you are going through a difficult time in your life.

"In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

5. Adversity Advantage: Turning everyday struggles into everyday greatness by Paul Stoltz & Erik Weihenmayer

Like mind gym, this one saved me in college. I would go as far as to reread parts of it before games! Erik Weihenmayer became blind at age 13, but refused to let this control his life. Instead, he ultimately became the first blind person to climb the 7 Summits (the tallest peaks on all 7 continents).

​His book, co-authored by Paul Stoltz, is an inspirational read about overcoming life's many adversities and using them to your advantage. If a legally blind man can climb Everest, do our excuses that hold us back carry that much weight anymore?

"Even minor setbacks provide powerful opportunities for elevating behavior. If you eliminate adversity, you miss out on life's deepest riches, highest gifts, and most potent lessons."

6. Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss
This is an interesting read, because it is just a series of interviews with very successful people. Though clunky in the traditional reading sense, this is an absolute gold mine of knowledge.

“Make yourself proud. I think we spend too much of our time trying to please everyone. And we forget that it’s all already within. Your instinct, your inner child, your soul, all of those who know what’s good for you and the world.”

7. Winning by Tim Grover

Warning, this book is intense. The author trained Kobe Bryant, and you don’t get to the level of training someone whose MO was “mamba mentality” without also having a mamba mentality.

For those still working on building up your confidence, table this one till you feel ready to take your mindset to the next level.

“If you can tolerate fear and doubt and loneliness… Winning would like a word with you.”

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