The Hard Work Dichotomy

Training human resilience is a delicate balance between finding a person’s limits consistently, while also staying within healthy mental and physical boundaries. This can feel like a walk on a tightrope, because we all know that to improve we must stretch outside of our comfort zones, but what is enough and how much is too much?

Mentally transport yourself to the hallways of every American educational institution you’ve ever been in, and the attempts made to motivate it’s young prisoners with a cringey barrage of cliche "hard work” posters that now also unfortunately saturate all corners of cyber-space.

“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”

“Do or do not. There is no try.”

Or my personal favorite,

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.”

This is not necessarily bad advice, however at large it is actually quite unhelpful. What needs to be emphasized, taught, and inspired is how to work hard and how to be a master learner.

Is there a Perfect Level of HARD WORK?

Admittedly, yes, you already know you have to work harder than the average person to achieve above average things, not exactly rocket science.

Neither you nor I know of any Chief Netflix Binge Watchers who are also Chief Executive Officers. Again, we’ve been conditioned to understand this our entire lives (remember the posters?).

So, if we all understand that hard work gets us the things we want in life, and we are all capable of working hard, then why do so many of us still struggle to do so? Contrarily, why do so many of us struggle to not over work?

It’s very easy to identify when someone is lazy, but the different ranges of what “hard work” looks like makes it ambiguous to define, and the outliers that exist can sometimes trick us; for example, there are a lot of lazy, successful people. There are also a lot of people who work really hard for very little return on their efforts. Either of those situations can make us feel like we lost the genetic lottery.

Click for some reel talk (get it?)

Then there is our personal favorite in American hustle culture, and it is those who work so hard, who are constantly redlining, stressed, and on the brink of a mental breakdown. These folks can often be found with blood shot eyes and a 20 ounce Starbucks coffee in their hand shouting “I’ll sleep when I’m dead!” and heading back to the office with one eye involuntarily twitching, because if you’re not exhausted, you’re not trying hard enough.

In my 20+ years in athletics I have seen this represented in various teammates and players I’ve coached:

• The lazy player who never works out, eats fast food, but looks absolutely yoked.

• The less talented or less athletic player who is often injured because they are constantly pushing themselves to the edge just to keep up.

• The entitled player who thinks they can do the bare minimum and be the best player on the court/field/ice.

• The obsessed superstar that can also be found with the 20 ounce Starbucks in their hand and their gym bag in the other.

Social Media Disilluisonment

If there is one thing social media is elite at, it’s making things look better than they actually are… to a toxic degree. The saddest part is, we don’t even realize that it’s poisoning our perceptions of reality, especially Generation Alpha (born between 2010 and now) and Generation Z (born between 1997 and 2012).

When consuming social media, ruthlessly rude little self-deprecating demons can really go wild if you let them. We start to compare our own status to people who we desire to be like, yet who are only showing 2% of their own reality.

I wish I could be as carefree as @yolo1lifehappyhippy.

I should be working as hard as @hustleandgrind365.

The fame, wealth and success of @10xlife is something I will probably never have.

You get the idea.

If we aren’t careful, we can fall into this trap so easily. That’s why so many people end up deleting social media all together, I mean, I’ve done it.

Social media is a great way to repeatedly feed ourselves the wrong message and remain perpetually unsatisfied with the work we are doing. Is it enough? Shouldn’t I be doing more? @hustleandgrind365 is!

“It’s easy to convince yourself that things need to be hard, that if you’re not red lining, you’re not trying hard enough. This leads us to look for paths of most resistance, often creating unnecessary hardship in the process. But what happens if we frame things in terms of elegance instead of strain, sometimes we find incredible results with ease instead of stress, sometimes we solve the problem by completely reframing it.”

— Tim Ferriss

Alternatively, social media can be a powerful tool for accessing positive and productive information if we use it properly by following accounts that we recognize as healthy sources of information for our own unique needs.

My favorite accounts: @brendonburchard | @tacticnutrition | @drewhanlen

I’d be remise not to mention my own @makeyourselfak

the Wisdom to Know the Difference

Though I am not a religious person, there is a powerful prayer you most likely have heard before. I love this, and used to recite it before every basketball game, it goes:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

— Serenity Prayer

If you don’t jive with the word “God”, simply take it out or replace it with whatever higher power you believe in. This simple statement gives us a powerful mantra on navigating life and it’s many obstacles.

Mindset ReCalibration

Now the difficult part, don’t click to another tab or app, especially instagram. For your own self-respect, actually answer this question, and if you’re feeling real saucy, do it again in a week.

If I were living the greatest version of my life that I could possibly imagine, what would it look like?

Oof, deep huh? Grab a piece of paper and write as much or as little on this answer as you’d like.

Now, answer this one:

What are the biggest differences between that version of myself, and the version I’m currently living? What do I need to have serenity with, and what can I impart courage to change?

Remember, keep those rude little self-deprecating demons locked away while doing this exercise. In reality, there will always be a gap between those two versions, but knowing what your most “exceptional” life looks like compared to what your current life is allows you to refocus, reset, and attack some habits that you know need changing.

CONSISTENCY OVER INTENSITY

So friend, welcome to where the real dichotomy presents itself. As humans, our brains are programmed to want to be comfortable, it’s called homeostasis. On the same note, because we are human and have the ability to think about our thoughts (HA! in your face other mammals), we know that comfort is not the key to getting what we want. Period. Mic Drop. Underline and highlight that.

If we are comfortable, we simply are not growing, we are either staying the same or getting worse.

The most important, defining quality of working hard is not intensity, it’s consistency.

You know why? Because when you’re pursuing worthwhile things, it will never get easier. There will always be another stair to climb, another problem, another obstacle. And now the true dichotomy, if you work too damn hard, you end up where the lazy live, in burnt-out-ville on the couch.

So, instead of going balls to the wall, or wishing and waiting for things to be easier, learn how to handle hard better. And guess what, handling hard better boils down to your ability to be consistent. To be reliable. To respect yourself and the journey you’re on.

LET’S WRAP THINGS UP WITH SOME EXAMPLES

Consistency looks like: getting out of bed at the same time every day Monday - Sunday, and going to bed at the same time even when you don’t want to, but because you know you need a certain number of hours of sleep to function like a boss.

Intensity looks like: getting 4 hours of sleep on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, being exhausted Thursday and sleeping in, and then making a half ass effort Friday, and using the weekend to be a total sloth because “you deserve it” after the long week you’ve had.

Consistency looks like: writing out daily target goals to optimize your time and productivity.

Intensity looks like: trying to do all the things, all at once, all the time, and then ironically, getting very little actually done, or done well.

Consistency looks like: showing up to practice 30 minutes early daily to get in the world’s most efficient warm up, and then it pay huge dividends months later because that 30 minutes x 5 days a week x 12 weeks = 1800 minutes or 30 hours of quality work.

Intensity looks like: showing up for extra workouts randomly once or twice a week (60 minutes x 1.5 times per week x 12 weeks) = 1080 minutes or 18 hours of work. That’s almost half. And let’s not count the time lost between driving to and from the gym and all that extra laundry.

Consistency looks like: meal prepping on Sunday and Wednesday so you can eat budget friendly clean food all through the week.

Intensity looks like: making one extravagant, delicious, healthy meal for one night, and then deciding that you can never keep that up because between all the effort to decide what to do, go to the grocery store, cook, and then clean up, that eating healthy is too hard.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times where intensity is totally appropriate, but when it comes to wrapping your mind around what it means to have a strong work ethic, intensity shouldn’t be the main part of the picture, consistency should.

Be consistent. Do the work.

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The Story Behind Make Yourself

The amazing Alaskan coaches and participants of the Varsity Prep Camp, 2022

I believe every single person on this planet has the innate ability to make themselves into whoever they want to be.

I feel so strongly about this, because I was once a nobody from a small town on the remote island of Kodiak, Alaska. Like many other kids, it was my dream as a little girl to some day play college basketball, and maybe even professional basketball. At the time, I was one of the best players in my community, but that didn’t mean much at all as I transitioned from a small town high school to college basketball for the University of Alaska Anchorage.

My first year at UAA, I wasn't prepared for the drastic change in level, so I red-shirted.

This means I practiced every day with the team but did not play or travel, and therefore retained that year of eligibility. This was a developmental year through and through. My second year, excited to see all the work from the year prior translate to playing substantial minutes on the court, I was met right away with a bad bout of mono that hospitalized me at the beginning of the year, and wasn’t able to recover quickly enough to come in to the year and make an impact. I played limited minutes the entire season, only being put into the game when we were up by at least 25 points.

At the end of that year, having put in extra time on my own, having gave everything at every practice that I could, having done my best to have a great attitude and be a good teammate; my coach looked me in the eye and told me “If you do not get better, you will not play more than 5 minutes a game next year.”

What an icy, verbal dagger straight to the heart.

Instead of, “This is what you need to work on to get better” or, “Hey we see how hard you’re working; keep at it, it will pay off.”

Getting good is a lonely journey. Many hours alone were spent in the gym.

She was essentially telling me, "Quit. You are not good enough."

As I left her office, I felt devastated. By the time I got to my car in the parking lot, I was angry. By the time I got home, I was ordering a heavy basketball, an agility ladder, and looking up YouTube videos so I could coach myself on how to get better.

That summer, with a chip on my shoulder, I spent an obscene amount of hours in the gym, at the track, in the weight-room, and not eating chocolate. The result? Complete physical and mental transformation.

I avoided the parties all my friends and boyfriend were inviting me to. I stopped eating my favorite summer junk food, because I wanted to lean up.

And most importantly, every day I woke up and reminded myself, that I was going to be the only person who could prove everyone wrong.

I became obsessed with lonely journey of improving myself.

I went to open gyms at 6am with a bunch of older guys, because there were no other options in Kodiak. I would then put a rock in the door, and go back when I knew no one was going to be around, and work on my skills. I would go to the track, and run till it felt like my lungs were bleeding. I went to the local gym to lift weights and get stronger. I read books on how to strengthen my mind, and allowed the mentors in the pages to help my confidence expand since my own coach wasn’t willing to help me.

Senior season with the Seawolves 2 years later… 20+ point game against a Division I opponent at the Great Alaska Shootout. Remember when games were played at the Sullivan Arena?

The next fall came around, and my teammates and coaches were shocked.

The relentless summer of work that I had put in had paid off, and I found myself not just in the starting line up, but as one of the leading scorers and rebounders on the team. Fast forward three years of college and I eventually earned a contract to play professionally in Germany for two years and another to play in Australia. Part of me couldn’t believe it.

Had it not been for the two years of failure and adversity, and my summer of obsessively improving my mindset and habits, I would not have made it.

Playing on my third pro contract with the Logan Thunder in Brisbane, Australia.

It was not an easy road, and I didn't have too many people to help me… so I had to help myself.

This is why I now love coaching and mentoring young athletes.

I understand what it’s like to not know how to do something, and how to figure it out when your back is up against the wall.

I know what it’s like to have a soft mindset, and transform it into an unstoppable mindset. I know how it feels to commit to making myself into who I want to be, and realize how much of that has to be done with a mindset very few people will be able to relate to.

Ultimately, I believe if I could overcome almost career ending adversity and eventually reach some of the highest levels in my sport, anyone can do it. And I want to help show them - YOU - how.

Our most recent camp in Kodiak this past summer. The full circle effect is a great feeling. Beyond grateful to use my experiences to help the younger generations in not just Kodiak, but all across Alaska!

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Books for the Athlete Mindset

Athletics provides such an incredibly unique classroom to work on life skills like self-confidence, ability to communicate well, ability to cultivate healthy relationships, being a team player, how to maintain composure under pressure, how to overcome adversity, how to exercise daily discipline, and so much more.

The following books are an athlete’s secret weapon to unlocking greatness within themselves! Coaches, parents, and people of all walks of life can, of course, also benefit.

The power of the mind is not to be underestimated, invest in yours, and you will greatly reap the rewards both in your sport and life.

1. Mind Gym: An athlete's guide to inner excellence by Gary Mack​

This book was my bible as a collegiate and professional basketball player. Written by sports psychologist, Gary Mack, who interviews multiple athletes and eloquently uses their stories and his extensive knowledge to help the reader develop strategies to overcome mental barriers that hold them back in their sport. This is not only a read for the athlete, but coaches and parents as would benefit as well!

"The desire to succeed needs to be stronger than the fear of failure."

2. Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
This biography written about former Olympic track athlete Louis Zamperini, is one of the most incredible stories on human resilience and toughness. A troubled child, Louis' brother helps him get his life on track by channeling his extra energy into running.

He qualifies to compete in the Olympics, and then World War II breaks out and he is enlisted in the military as part of a B27 bomber flight crew. His plane goes down, and he survives not only floating on a raft in the Pacific for well over a month, but the cruelty of a Japanese war camp as well.

​“I think the hardest thing in life is to forgive. Hate is self destructive. If you hate somebody, you're not hurting the person you hate, you're hurting yourself. It's a healing, actually, it's a real healing...forgiveness.”

3. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

This is an absolute timeless classic that, the more I read, I realize many “self-help” books have been based off. Skip the copy cats and go straight to the source of genius by picking up this book.

Topping the charts as a #1 National Bestseller, it has sold 25 million copies since it’s publication in 1988. Covey passed away in 2012, but his works continue to give a principle-centered approach for solving personal and professional problems.

"Our problems and pain are universal and increasing, and the solutions to the problems are and always will be based upon universal, timeless, self-evident principles common to every enduring, prospering society throughout history."

4. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, author, and Holocaust survivor. This book recounts his experiences from his time in a concentration camp in quite possibly the most logical first person narrative ever written on unimaginable suffering. It is humbling, perspective-changing, inspiring, and all together a must read, particularly if you are going through a difficult time in your life.

"In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

5. Adversity Advantage: Turning everyday struggles into everyday greatness by Paul Stoltz & Erik Weihenmayer

Like mind gym, this one saved me in college. I would go as far as to reread parts of it before games! Erik Weihenmayer became blind at age 13, but refused to let this control his life. Instead, he ultimately became the first blind person to climb the 7 Summits (the tallest peaks on all 7 continents).

​His book, co-authored by Paul Stoltz, is an inspirational read about overcoming life's many adversities and using them to your advantage. If a legally blind man can climb Everest, do our excuses that hold us back carry that much weight anymore?

"Even minor setbacks provide powerful opportunities for elevating behavior. If you eliminate adversity, you miss out on life's deepest riches, highest gifts, and most potent lessons."

6. Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss
This is an interesting read, because it is just a series of interviews with very successful people. Though clunky in the traditional reading sense, this is an absolute gold mine of knowledge.

“Make yourself proud. I think we spend too much of our time trying to please everyone. And we forget that it’s all already within. Your instinct, your inner child, your soul, all of those who know what’s good for you and the world.”

7. Winning by Tim Grover

Warning, this book is intense. The author trained Kobe Bryant, and you don’t get to the level of training someone whose MO was “mamba mentality” without also having a mamba mentality.

For those still working on building up your confidence, table this one till you feel ready to take your mindset to the next level.

“If you can tolerate fear and doubt and loneliness… Winning would like a word with you.”

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